I recently heard that a friend who was a world-renowned DJ took his own life. This man was so incredibly gifted with his music that he made an impact on many people, including myself, in a profound and positive way.
I could not understand why people who have been blessed with such great gifts and who spread so much joy and happiness in the world – such as Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and my DJ friend – fail to find this joy and happiness within themselves, and in the end take their own lives directly or indirectly. I did some soul-searching to try to find the answers.
I asked myself what the ultimate undoing of these three people was. It was their use of drugs to try to find a way to fill their “holes”.
So what are “the holes”? When you are born you are filled with Essence and are complete with no holes. Essence has many qualities: it is truth, love, compassion, value, will, strength, joy, and objective consciousness. As you grow up, you get cut off from certain parts of yourself and your essence due to certain difficulties, trauma or conflict with your environment. Every time you get cut off from yourself, a hole manifests. When the quality of essence is blocked, you are left with a sense of emptiness, deficiency and a hole. The holes are full of the memories of the loss but because we do not consciously remember what was lost we then start to fill in the holes with false feelings, ideas and beliefs about ourselves. This is what is called the personality and after a while we come to believe that this is who we are. The personality takes the place of the real thing.
For example if our love for our Mother was rejected as a child, the love in us becomes hurt and wounded. To avoid feeling the hurt we deaden that part of our body and cut ourselves off from that part of love in ourselves. Where that love should be we now have an emptiness and a deficiency. Forgetting that it was our love that we lost, we think we lost something from outside and try to get it back from the outside. We want someone to love us so the hole will be filled.
So a hole refers to any part of you that you have lost consciousness of. It is the loss of your essence. When we are not aware of our essence, it stops manifesting and we start to feel deficient. The loss does not mean that the parts are gone forever it just means that you are cut off from them. Feelings that are automatic and compulsive such as anger, sadness, hurt, jealousy, fear and hatred are often the results of the holes.
Most people walk around with holes and are not aware of them. They are aware of their desires and aversions. The presence of desire and needs indicates the presence of holes. People think the hole is who they are and that there is nothing beyond it. They think that something is wrong with them but it is an unconscious presence of the hole. The hole is just a symptom of the loss of the essence that can be regained.
To fill the holes and to compensate for the feelings of emptiness, our society has developed an addictive personality to drugs, food, alcohol, smoking, sex, shopping, the internet, work, and mindless TV watching. We use these things for quick and transient fixes, to suppress our empty, hollowed out feelings; but over time, these things cause damage to the physical body, and we create a society that is numbed out and unable to function.
A good example of people who fill holes is the advertising industry. They are all about appealing to and filling your holes. They see which product their hole can fill and appeal to that. Advertising stimulates and reinforces the hole-filling mechanism.
False value is another way we fill our holes. It is too painful to feel the absence of the value so most people create a false value to cover up the feelings of lack. They behave and feel as if they are close to that essential state, but lack the authentic value – and after a while fool themselves and others into thinking that is who they are.
So what are some of the things we can do to heal the holes in a healthy way?
- Have the courage to confront and heal the underlying issues and beliefs that may be causing your outdated programmes to run. Allow yourself to feel the pain or deficiency of a hole rather than trying to cover it up with something else. In feeling the deficiency and the emptiness you will be able to see the memory and when you do you will find the essential part of yourself that can fill the hole from the inside. In this way, you can regain part of your self, and the essence that you have lost will start to flow. Having the courage to face our pain without avoiding it or turning to our addictions to soothe ourselves is a prerequisite for further inner development towards higher consciousness, freedom and self-responsibility.
- Have love for yourself and the will to return to your true nature, your essence. Understand that your difficulties come from inside you and that the fullfilment that you seek will also come from inside you.
- Realize that you don’t need to push against the dark spots – you just need to shed light on them. After a while they will disintegrate. The health and wellbeing of a person is the capacity to insert the higher self or higher consciousness into every experience and to integrate and process it in a meaningful way. When we cut it off, deny it or repress it, our lives operate from the trauma system which is driven by aversions and desires and which is a never ending cycle of pain.
- Do not believe in your resistance and do not identify with your emotional conflict, but see them as symptoms of what is fundamentally wrong. What is wrong is that a certain part of your Essence is lost.
- Make an authentic effort to have deeper and meaningful connections to the people in your life and to those that you meet along the way. The only way that the soul can develop real warmth is in connection with another. Experiencing the true meaning of the connection with another gives birth to the warmth that nourishes the soul and enables it to develop further.
- Essence should be the primary concern in your life. You need to do whatever will enhance and support your essence. Meditation and self-examination are just a couple of ways that you can do this. When you actualise essence it can bring a permanent fullness into every part of your life.
- Be present in the now and fully and consciously breathe into your body.
- If you have an addiction seek professional help.
Over a period of time taking drugs cuts the person off from their Essence. Within the higher consciousness and our essence lies the capacity to rise above pain, limitations and challenging experiences, and the ability to bring back hope, healing and growth. Drugs chemically alter the decision-making part of the brain so that the individual is unable to a make a fully informed and conscious decision about their lives – this is where I believe Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and my DJ friend were at.
We will continue to experience joy and gratitude for the gifts that these very talented people have left behind, however upon reflection I believe that although we may come into this world with great talents and gifts, ultimately our journey is about coming to the knowledge and understanding of being a complete human being. It is about finding the essence and truth of who we are apart from the false personality. When we come from this place each day, life has a satisfaction and joy beyond anything the personality can experience.